Whom should I love

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The following Notes will be very difficult to read and accept if you have not completed your search of your heart, mind, and soul. As you read them please do not reject what they say. Complete your search, know and understand true, pure, real, love, before you make your choices. Take all the time you need, days, weeks, months, to search your heart, mind, and soul to know and understand love. Search your very being, until you know and understand what it means to love everyone with true, pure, real, love. When you know and understand love, you will understand the Notes.

If you love another human being you are giving that human being your very best. If you love every human being you are doing the very best you can do for each of them. Similarly, if they love you they are doing the very best they can for you. It is not hard to see that a world where each and every person loves each and every other person would be the best possible world. Since each of us can love if and when we want to love, a world filled with love is very much a possibility. Pure love is so rare a quantity in daily life it may seem almost impossible that, if they are willing to, people can love all other people. Yet they can. We can bring about a world filled with love, a world that is worth living for.

Few of us seriously expect to see a day on earth when all people love one another. There are too many people for whom physical pleasure is more desirable than love. Only the most optimistic dreamers hold hope for a world filled with love. So what is the next best world? If you understand love you know you can love people even if they do not love you. You can always choose to love, and if love is the best you can do, does it not seem true that you should love even if you are not loved? Does it not seem intuitively true that you should always choose love?

If life ends with physical death, perhaps the proper response to hate would not be love, but would be some form of resistance to hate that minimizes its influence on others? Yet that cannot be, for we have already said if existence ends with physical death nothing we do really matters at all, so any response, or no response, would be equally acceptable. But what if life continues after death, would it matter what we do when faced with hate?

If life exists beyond the grave, and if love is the best part of life in this world, does it not seem intuitively likely that if life after death is to be good it will be an existence filled with love? Of course we are dealing with questions beyond human ability to answer, we are in fact in the murky area where intellect, insight, and intuition blend with belief and faith. There is no way at all we can say anything concrete about what life after death may or may not be like. Yet there exists a “feeling” that at least a portion of whatever lies beyond the grave, if anything, possesses the positive characteristics of life in this world. If we come to believe the most positive aspect of life is love, then the jump to postulating a life after death filled with love seems to be, for some reason, a rather comfortable assumption.

It is beyond human ability to know whether that assumption is based on a realistic interpretation of our existence, or whether it is an illusory fairy tale of immortality based on what our minds would like to be true. Even though we will not know if anything lies beyond physical death until we die, it somehow seems intuitively true that if those who choose to love on earth enter a life after death, it will be a life that is filled with love.

So what is our answer? Who should you love? If loving is good, the question really becomes is there anyone you should not love? If you understand love you know you can always love someone even if the person you love hates you. When you hate those who hate you, you are doing the same wrong to them they are doing to you. The natural reaction is to hate those who hate you, but if you understand love you should, after deep thought and consideration, reach the conclusion that since you never have to hate, you should always love (in our “additional notes” we discuss if there are any exceptions).

What if the person who hates you continues to hate you, and does all kinds of evil to you and to others without sign of remorse? Again, if you understand love you know you can always love another person even if that person hates you. If you can always choose to love people, does it not seem true that you should continue to love them even if they hate you? If we agree that the best we can do in this life, and in a life after death if one exists, is to love each other, the answer seems clear. If it is your choice to love or not, you should choose to love every moment of your earthly life. That means you should love even if you are not loved, even if you are hated.

If love is worth living for in this life, it is worth living for in whatever life may follow death. If it is possible that we continue to exist after death, it would seem that we should love now with the hope that when we die we will pass into a life where love will not only continue, but will be shared by all who join us there.

Does this mean you should never show any anger? If a child does something you know will hurt them, and those who love them, you will be disappointed and “angry” at both their actions, and perhaps at them. Yet anger that accompanies love is far different than anger that comes from hate, and is perhaps not anger at all. Such “anger” is in fact a deep and emotional concern for people, which seeks to bring a person back to love. The “anger” of a person who loves passes quickly when love is restored, and forgiveness is freely and repeatedly given. If you understand love, you know that if you love someone who hates you, you will forgive them each time they wrong you.

Loving someone does not mean you must condone, or even tolerate, the wrongs they do. Many people who love others and try to help them out of problems like gambling, drinking, casual sex, etc., find themselves defending the other person and slipping into their way of life. There is a fine line between being with people and loving and helping them, and, in an attempt to reach them, accepting at least part of their way of life. If at all times you keep in your heart, mind, and soul what it means to truly love, you will have no trouble knowing where that line is.

If you choose to love, you will constantly have to decide what you should do in particular situations. The natural tendency is to take a middle of the road position that seems to be positive toward everyone involved without being too negative toward yourself. You then declare that your decision is based on love, and all seems well. Loving is not that easy, every single decision about love must be made from your heart, mind, and soul.

If you want to love you must search your very being for the answers love requires, and you must be willing to accept without change the answers you find. You are driving home from work, heading for a birthday party your wife and friends have been planning for you. Traffic is heavy on the freeway. You see a man hitchhiking, he seems unsure of his footing, as you get closer you can tell he is drunk. If you stop you are sure to be late for your party, anyway, there are lots of cars one of which is bound to pick him up, and he doesn’t look like he will stagger into the roadway.

You think, “he may be pretending to be drunk so he can rob somebody, a policeman is bound to drive by, I can call one as soon as I get home”. Time to decide what to do. You want to drive on by him and not have to decide, but you know you have to stop or not stop. You stop your car, help the man into the passenger seat, he mumbles the town he is going to and then passes out. When you reach the right exit, you get off and try to rouse your passenger. He gets sick and throws up, you stop to let him get some air and to clean out the car.

You’re forty minutes late for your party and there isn’t a phone in sight. You think about leaving him at a gas station, but you help him back in the car and go on. He sees a bar, yells for you to stop, and curses you when you don’t. You arrive in his hometown, but he is too drunk to remember where he lives. You see a motel, get the hitchhiker a room, and pay the desk clerk to look in on him to see he is all right and to bring him breakfast the next morning. You buy him some clean clothes and put them in the room.

You call home and your wife slams the phone down. Finally you arrive home three hours late, your guests have gone, your wife and kids are mad, you are hungry and cold. You think about all the hassle you went through; the party you missed, your party; the drunk hitchhiker cursing you. You think, I hope I never get into another situation like this one, but if I do, I’ll do it all over again. If you have not completed your search you may not understand the love given the hitchhiker. If you have, you know that if you choose love you would do the same things the driver did.

If you love someone, whether they are your child or a stranger, you will do the very best you can for them. If you love someone you will do the best you can, every moment of your life, even if it means that you do not have enough to meet your own needs. You will gladly sacrifice your comfort so that they may have the best possible physical and emotional life. You will be filled with joy when their lives are filled with love.

You will have compassion for every human being who does not have enough to eat. You will bring them food, and sit down with them to eat. You will give them the love that is in your heart, mind, and soul. You will not simply leave after you have shared a meal with them, you will love them for the rest of your life.

If you meet someone who is homeless, you will find shelter for them. Yet you will do more, you will visit them and help them with their daily lives. You will listen to their problems and work with them to find solutions. You will help them not because it makes you feel good, but because you love them.

You will care for those who are sick until they get well. You will care for them even if doing so puts your life at risk. You will be a companion to those who are elderly and who will not get well. You will counsel those who are depressed, comfort those whose minds are troubled, and find help for them.

You will spend time with those who are lonely. You will reach out to children who are left by themselves, and need companionship and guidance. You will welcome adults who other people find repulsive and ignore. You will not become impatient or want to be anywhere else. You will stay with them and share with them the love that is in your heart, mind, and soul.

Sit back, and think and think and think about loving people with true, pure, real, love. Take all the time you need to feel and experience the love inside you that you can give to all people. Complete your search of your heart, mind, and soul and know and understand love.

You choose love, that means everything is all right, right? In a very real sense the answer to that question is yes, for you everything is all right. Everything being all right does not, however, mean that your life on earth will be physically better. Probably it will get much worse, for those who choose not to love will be doubly hard on those who do. If you love someone you will not hit them when they strike you. You will give them food, and drink, and shelter even if they hate you and even if you end up not having enough for yourself. If you love them you will help them when they are sick, even if they have cheated you and cursed your stupidity. You will love them no matter what they do to you, with the knowledge that you are doing what all human beings can and should do.

What if the choice comes whether to kill someone, or be killed by them? I cannot see how someone could choose to intentionally kill someone they love. Let me simply say it seems to me that if you continue to exist after death, and if it is true that if you love someone you will never kill them, then you have nothing to fear if because you love you die and enter an existence filled with love.

If love is right, even one decision not to love is wrong. It somehow seems to be intuitive, absolute, logic that during our some 100 or less years on earth, we should do that which may lead to the never ending joy of a life after death filled with love, day after day, year after year, millions of years after millions of years, forever and ever and ever and ever, and we should not do that which may lead to an endless life without love.

When you complete your search perhaps you may not agree with us that you will never inflict physical harm on someone you love. We discuss this very difficult question in a later note – A Fanatic Life or A Normal Life?

The answer you find to this question, and other questions less dramatic but as hard or harder to answer, is to be found in your knowledge and understanding of love. After you have completed your search, and know and understand love, you will have to decide for yourself whether or not our answer to the question about killing, as well as our answers to the many other difficult questions, are based on love, or not. We believe they are, but perhaps they are not. If after you finish reading this you do not agree with one or more of the conclusions we reach, you may want to read our comments and notes, which discuss some of our views on complex questions.

We believe that after you complete your search of heart, mind, and soul you will know and understand that if anything is true, it is true that every moment of their lives each and every human being can and should love each and every other human being. There is no question in my heart, mind, and soul, that every person should love every other person. Indeed, if every person chose to love every other person as they would have those people love them, if every person chose to love every other person as himself or herself, then each of us would do the very best that we could do for every human being in the world. There would be nothing more that we should do for each other, nothing more that we could do.

Difficult questions arise only because there are people who are unwilling to love each other. There are many people who chose not to love other people. There are many people who chose to hate other people. Even though it is a difficult answer, it seems intuitively clear to me that we should love those who love us and we should love those who hate us. Yet many say that we should not love those who hate us, and want to harm us. While I am convinced that we should love those who hate us, I cannot say with absolute certainty that you will agree with me after you complete your search of your heart, mind, and soul. The important thing to remember is that your answers to the millions of questions you face throughout your life must come from the knowledge and understanding of love that you will find when you complete your search of your heart, mind, and soul. You must be absolutely certain that you complete your search, and that you know and understand true, pure, real, love.

One essential warning, when faced with a hard question the normal human response is toward self-interest, with elaborate arguments to justify the answer and make it seem to be the result of love. The answer dictated by love is often (for some people almost always) very, very, hard to accept. Yet I am convinced that if you choose love you will accept the toughest of answers, and will find peace and hope in your decisions. At all times you must be absolutely certain that your answers are based on the knowledge and understanding of love you find in your heart, mind, and soul. You must be certain that you always choose true, pure, real, love.

Each moment of hate is a moment when you could have chosen love. If love is best, what could possibly be better than choosing to love every moment of your earthly life? The hope is that by choosing love you will pass on your death into an eternal life of love.